Thursday, 1 October 2015

my inspiration has run dry, what's going on?// the ramblings


Urgh. This is again going to be a fairly honest projection of my current feelings. Although I guess 'urgh' could pretty much summarise it. Anyway, here goes...

Quite literally, my inspiration has run dry. Kaput, drained, diminished, depleted, dwindled... whatever synonym you want to call label it! And also quite literally, I feel like yelling "what's going on!?" out of my window. I had assumed Art A-level would be the perfect opportunity to express myself and be free after the pressure's of English Lit and History. Instead I feel this great weight whenever I open my art book to another white a3 page. And  I just think urgh. How is one supposed to fill every crevice with expression when they have nothing to express?

I pick up a paint brush yet the paint dries before it even makes contact with the page; I pick up a pencil yet the lead breaks at the first signs of pressure... I then I think, perhaps it isn't the tools I am using but the actual motion of picking them up. Inspiration is a gift. I wish I could explain why art just isn't exciting me anymore. Sometimes the unexplainable has to remain unexplained to exist.

Concepts. I like concepts. I like conceptual thinking. I like thinking. And I realise now that my favourite thing about art is the way it makes you think. I want to be given a topic and think of the most pretentious, ambiguous idea that ties together a myriad of thoughts like "constellations" and think. Now the irony is, to get through this process of lacking inspiration I am writing a blog post. Writing a blog post. If you presented me with a blank sheet of paper and a lined piece of paper, I would immediately take the lined. If you gave me a word and asked me to write or draw, I would immediately take the pen.

And its so frustrating to have lost something which you used to find effortless.

I wish I could say something positive here. I am going to carry on with art.. but not for the entirely correct reasons. I am going to think of a concept.. a story... a thinking point.. and try to express the meaning  through art. Maybe that will help? Maybe it won't? But for now, writing definitely does.

Remember its okay not to be okay
-J

*picture from Tumblr*

8 comments:

  1. I have been going through this same struggle as well. Every new page in the sketchbook is just a hauntingly white blank page. Sometimes you just have to find your inspiration, and sometime you have to let it find you. Just don't give up, every creative person reaches that point at sometime.

    Peace & Love // Celestralite

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    1. Exactly! To give up is to give in :)

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  2. I have been going through something similar recently Jessie, not so much with writing/art but inspiration in general. I have lost all motivation to complete anything and everything I used to love doing now feels like a chore and causes me so much anxiety, I just want to be myself again! I know exactly how you're feeling, if you ever want to chat I'm here xx Emily

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    1. Yes I totally understand the wanting to be yourself again, trust me :) and the idea of a chore :( I will look forward to a catch up very soon xx

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  3. I know this feeling, and I know it well. You write so beautifully and I love the concept behind the paintbrush drying and the pencil breaking before you've even begun. That is such a rich and beautiful metaphor. There are some fantastic artists working with the written word out there, I wish you the best of luck in finding your inspiration again.

    Erin | cd

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    1. Nothing beats hearing people saying they enjoy your writing! Yes I'm so pleased you appreciated the metaphor :) I am persevering!

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  4. i know what you mean, Im doing art a level aswell and I think as its school work and you have to get it in by a deadline and think if its good enough to get the grade you want, it almost takes the fun out of it… I hope you find something inspiring that you love coz you're so creative I know you haven't lost it! x
    http://lovefromtasha.blogspot.co.uk

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  5. So beautiful sky! I also collect photos from my adventures by plane. I want to share it with you, some kind of magic http://skywritingservice.com/blog/how-to-find-your-lost-inspiration

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