Saturday, 1 November 2014

pathetic apology, explanation and pointless ramble


Meh. Just meh. I'm sorry that this will just be a boring and ordinary sorry post saying sorry for why I haven't blogged. And I am truly sorry *woah Jess, stop with the sorry's*. I am currently in a slight existential crisis. I have a huge list inside my head of what I want to achieve this school year. Is it going to happen? Probably not. So here is a list of why I haven't been able to blog, my mis-match feelings at this precise time and promises for the future.

1// School. This is my last year of high school which means GCSE's. In four days I sit my Maths GCSE then in six days I sit my English. Like, where has my childhood gone. My brain has been occupied with revision and worry, which leaves little time for blog posts.

2// I am almost sixteen. Okay, I should be excited. Yet, I feel like I haven't done nearly half the stuff I should have done by now. I wanted to have a book published. To have kissed a boy. To have got a job. Cross, cross, cross. I went to a party last night and everyone was drunk and kissing. I just felt too scared. Too scared to jump on the fit boy's lap like EVERYONE else was doing. Too scared to play spin the bottle. I drunk but not to an extent to which I was drunk. Does this make me a bad teenager? I don't know, my head is messed up as if someone has scribbled over it in felt tip.

3// Promotions. Honestly, ever since I did my collaboration with DarkWoodJars and got sent the Triangl bikini, I thought I'd made it big. I constantly checked my email expecting waves of clothing stores begging for my address. Erm. That didn't happen. I did feel slightly deflated, yet I am just starting out. This blog has years to go.

4// Photography. The perks of my birthday coming soon means presents. Oh yes, a new camera. I cannot wait to start photographing life again and sharing it with all my lovely readers.

5// Summer. When my GCSE's are over and I have a piece of paper containing the grades that are 'the key to my future', I will make it my priority to get my blog on the rise upwards *is that even a saying?*.  I have so many ideas like a cheeky little jewellery shop, photo shoots and so much more - I just have to get this year out the way.

Sorry for this horribly boring post. It definitely helped me, writing out my current mental dysfunctions. Hopefully, see you soon but if not please appreciate it will be due to the amount of work suffocating me. Happy last weekend of half term if you are English :)

-J

7 comments:

  1. Why do you have exams already?! I am the same age and year at school as you, yet we only have our exams in the summer, although our mocks are near approaching. All we are currently doing is coursework :/ reading this blog post is like reading my mind. There's currently so much pressure and stress! Also with the whole boy thing, same... I'm not 16 until July but I know how you feel. Whilst everyone is getting into serious relationships I can barely hold a conversation with a boy without feeling extremely awkward... Love the blog and instagram by the way xx

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    1. I don't know, my school is like so eager to get them out the way haha. And yes I love how similar we are #twinsies

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  2. Jessie you always nail my feelings! On point. I have mocks next week and I'm stressing about them so I keep procrastinating revising but then I get really stressed! I live near the beach and the popular kids have beach parties every week (even in the cold... Idek) I got invited to one the other week and it was ok but I just just a little too scared to do anything.. There was a lot of weed and alcohol and I felt out of sorts there... I'm going to be 16 soon too and I haven't kissed a boy either.. xxx
    www.lexiealexandra.com

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    1. Aw Lexie I love your comments. Woah hold up... beach parties = cool, weed = ew. Some people are sooo stupid. Yes, I'm so pleased I'm not the only one about the boy situation and yup hi-fives. My drinking extent goes as far as being a bit louder than usual and dancing like a dad - defo not drunk enough to kiss some random guy.

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  3. I just came across your blog. Lovely layout and photos. And hey, no, there's nothing wrong with not getting drunk and kissing 'the fit boy'. I'm 19 and still haven't given my first kiss yet. Pretty proud of it, honestly;)

    Keep up the good work:)

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  4. this is all so true, never think your posts are boring because i get excited every time you post! Just remember there's so many people going through the same thing… like me! But life is to short to not enjoy it if that makes sense! x
    http://www.catchingdreamsblog.blogspot.co.uk

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  5. I am obsessed with your blog, because unlike a lot of fashion blogs, yours has depth and shows the truth of what it's like to be a teenager. I'm a fifteen year old girl and I completely understand/relate to what you're saying. I feel the exact same way, like I'm a different "kind" of teenager than my friends. It's aggravating.
    anyways, keep writing, you're a great writer! x.
    my blog is sofsea.wordpress.com :)

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