Sunday, 22 November 2020

a list of things that have been helping


I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that 2020 has been one of the most emotionally turbulent years. There were many times I wanted to take my brain out of my head and throw it into the sea... anxiety really can be so paralysing. 

But - 

(because there is always a but)

I survived; I'm surviving. Thankfully, the last couple of months have been easier. I've felt joy, vibrancy and me again. Do I have life figured out? Absolutely not, far from it. Am I actively choosing everyday to just live in the present? YES, it's a necessity. 

A list of things that have helped bring the colour back: 

- therapy: I think it's important I mention that I got some professional help for a couple of months and woah, an outside perspective was enlightening

- creating: painting cards & selling them on my shop (although sales haven't exactly been consistent eek) has been a wonderful way to channel my buzzy mind; knowing that my art has brightened someones day is the best feeling 

- surrendering: my relationship with God is dependent on me just giving everything to him... all the hard stuff, good stuff, in-between stuff 

- writing: I've actually started working on my novel again yay! The self-sabotage was intense (and still likes to lurk around my mind) but I went for it anyway - it really does feel great to let yourself win

- walks: these have often included a therapeutic cry, artfully hidden from the general public (hopefully)

- being silly: I love nothing more than laughing & dancing around the kitchen, creating stupid videos, speaking in strange accents are all very much needed in these bleak times

- easing the pressure: sometimes I look at my degree sitting on my desk and have a PANIC - I don't have a 'job', I'm not putting my £50,000 worth of debt to any use - which quickly descends into that inviting pit of worthlessness. The thing is, nothing in this material world is certain. Nothing. One moment you're enjoying the final year of your degree, the next moment you're locked at home because someone ate some bat meat thousands of miles away??? 

- BTS: did I ever think I was going to fall in love with seven Korean men who have no idea I exist? Nope. Has they kinda, actually, very much so changed my life? Yup. I could probably write a dissertation (the one I never wrote for university oops) on how amazing this band is but instead I'll just say this: they made me excited about life again. 

To quote BTS themselves: "Life goes on, so let's live on."

- J 

[image from tumblr/ original source unknown]

Monday, 10 August 2020

podcast + being brave

As soon as I uploaded this episode, I started to overthink. Will anyone actually listen? Do I come across okay? Does my voice sound too annoying? Am I too impulsive with things like this?

But I'm sticking with it. I've been wanting to make a podcast for ages and it really is a wonderful thing when you do the thing. 

Please do give it a listen and let me know what you think. Thank you for your support, as always <3